Its been a habit of mine from the last few months to pray each night for a miracle..I know it sounds silly but I have tried everything else..only to be reaffirmed that no one gives a crap..So if there is indeed such a thing as divine intervention I am in desperate need of it right now..So I started on my journey of spiritual discovery..I am almost sure that no help is coming from upstairs..may be that tiny bit of help too is reserved for the people who have their hands full with the good gifts already bestowed upon them..Still each night as I close my eyes I murmur insisting upon that one miracle that may set my life right.,more out of apprehension than out of hope..as I cannot allow the situation when for the first time God was paying attention and I was too busy sleeping..I cannot afford to do that..

Almost feel like an anomaly in God's great plan for the universe..otherwise how do you explain people not appreciating what I have done for them..how do you explain people not missing me or even giving a damn when I am not around....
Its just lurking from one darkness to another with no sight of that mythical light at the end of a very dark tunnel...

I know that when I wake up tomorrow morning..there wont be any book-my-show scannings..there wont be anyone waiting at Airport 1 No. Gate Bus Stand..there wont be any bar to go to with my friends..there wont be any hugs/kisses..there wont be any laughter or partying..however still I hope as I go to bed..that there will be a morning tomorrow but I wudnt b there to witness it..does it make me an optimist or a pessimist??

There is no moment more humiliating than the one when you are looking at a gorgeous girl and you know in your heart that you dont stand a chance.

There have been moments in my life when I have stuck to hope and felt like Michael Schoefields telling "Saomeday...someday...". However i now realise there were no such days for me. The days I got I did so by beg-borrow-steal. I was alloted none.

What If 2

Building upon my parallel universes theory I wonder if in any universe I and her went out as a couple on my budday and shared those moments together. 

26 years and I have learnt two important lessons..Nobody appreciates me when I am in their lives and on the other hand nobody misses me when I am out of theirs'..Its disappointing when I think along these lines..but its the truth and I am learning to accept it and live with it..

If I hadnt met me I would have never believed that it is possible for a person to lose so much

What If

So many years have passed and still there is not a single day when I dont wonder...consciously or sub-consciously what would have happened if on that fateful day I had went to Presi to find her waiting eagerly for me after the hiatus of CAT exam preps and the exam itself...would it have worked out from that point on..or would there have been further hiccups..considering that even her parents disapproved of me..it seems hiccup is an understatement..still there is some part of me which wonders how my life would have changed if things had not gone the way it did from that point onwards..knowing myself I was entirely capable of screwing up my life even if things had worked out then, but I seriously doubt that; So I go to bed each night believing the scifi BS that parallel worlds exist and may be there is a single such parallel world where the girl decides to give the freak a chance instead of being swooned over by the charming guy...Now if only I had a peek at this world (ala FRINGE) and its happenings wrt this story, I would die happy..