It's been 18 years to this date today. So here's wishing myself happy loveversary with a non-existent person on a non-existent date ( As I cannot recall that it was on 18th late night or 19th late night that reciprocation was received from the non-existent person)

I dont know what is worse...destroying my life for the people I love or their giving no shit about my doing so...

Its been a habit of mine from the last few months to pray each night for a miracle..I know it sounds silly but I have tried everything else..only to be reaffirmed that no one gives a crap..So if there is indeed such a thing as divine intervention I am in desperate need of it right now..So I started on my journey of spiritual discovery..I am almost sure that no help is coming from upstairs..may be that tiny bit of help too is reserved for the people who have their hands full with the good gifts already bestowed upon them..Still each night as I close my eyes I murmur insisting upon that one miracle that may set my life right.,more out of apprehension than out of hope..as I cannot allow the situation when for the first time God was paying attention and I was too busy sleeping..I cannot afford to do that..

Almost feel like an anomaly in God's great plan for the universe..otherwise how do you explain people not appreciating what I have done for them..how do you explain people not missing me or even giving a damn when I am not around....
Its just lurking from one darkness to another with no sight of that mythical light at the end of a very dark tunnel...

I know that when I wake up tomorrow morning..there wont be any book-my-show scannings..there wont be anyone waiting at Airport 1 No. Gate Bus Stand..there wont be any bar to go to with my friends..there wont be any hugs/kisses..there wont be any laughter or partying..however still I hope as I go to bed..that there will be a morning tomorrow but I wudnt b there to witness it..does it make me an optimist or a pessimist??

There is no moment more humiliating than the one when you are looking at a gorgeous girl and you know in your heart that you dont stand a chance.

There have been moments in my life when I have stuck to hope and felt like Michael Schoefields telling "Saomeday...someday...". However i now realise there were no such days for me. The days I got I did so by beg-borrow-steal. I was alloted none.